Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Daily Top 5 >>> 1/12/10

  • "Fuckery" The early frontrunner for 2010's Headline of the Year: 'Crime lord's' fake penis falls off in raid. Couldn't make that one up if I tried. Ruthless Cape Town thug Fat Murphy - who also goes by his government name, Hilary - told a court that he is a hermaphrodite after being arrested. The best part about this story isn't the fact that a South African boss goes by the name of your local suburban bar and grill. Ohhhhhh no. The best part is that the "penis" that fell off during the skirmish of a raid wasn't a penis at all. It was a strap-on dildo. That link is safe for work/class...I think. Was this guy just walking around on full rock all day every day? I don't know about you, but my boss wouldn't have to threaten to kill my family to get me to work harder if he had an everlasting boner. That's intimidation enough. Props HuffPost.
  • "Technology" In the future, when robots have taken over the world and are using us as sex toys and to make their vehicles, we can look back at Roxxxy the Sex Robot as the beginning of the end. Doug Hines - who is of course from New Jersey - is hawking his roboskank at conventions across the country. His angle: that Roxxxy and her sophisticated computer brain are better able to interact with partners than past robotic toys. I mean I guess it is better than trying to talk to a Tickle Me Elmo after you bone it. But the best part is what inspired Doug to get into the cyborg pussy game. "Hines said he was inspired to create the robot after a friend died in the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks. That got him thinking about preserving his friend's personality, to give his children a chance to interact with him as they're growing up." Those quotes mean that dude actually said this. So your friend dies during a national tragedy and, inspired by your desire to help his kids remember his personality, you decide to build rubbery robot sex slaves? I'm trying not to believe the Mayan, 2012 apocalypse theory, but every day is making it tougher to stay strong. HuffPost again.
  • "Mexico" Mexican barrios are wilder than any ghetto in this country. I don't care how many blue police lights you have in your neighborhood or how well you can shake up GDN, you don't go as hard as Mexico. We have JV gangsters, and that's the major leagues down there. There were 69 documented murders south of the border yesterday, including 26 in a border city called Ciudad Juarez. I'm not sure how big Ciudad Juarez is, but I doubt it's as big as Chicago. And if we had 26 confirmed murders in one day up here, there'd be National Guard called in and every black and brown person within city limits would be best served to stay in the house. Unless they wanted to catch a federal bullet. I just can't see how legalizing and regulating drugs can be worse than having thousands of people murdered and millions incarcerated yearly.

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