- "1st Place" The common stereotypes of female Chicago baseball fans are that the Cubs have the cute ones that have no idea what the hell is going on while the Sox have the experts who show up to The Cell in what they wore to the bar last night. Having only been to Wrigley once, I can't really vouch for their chicks. But, I can tell you that everything you hear about female Sox fans is probably true. Especially this story from the Tribune about a Good Guys girl who let a guy stain in the men's room stall. Kids around and everything. Let's go go-go Whiiiiiite Sox.
- "2nd Place" *Sorry in advance to anybody who's been adopted. This story is ridiculous, so that's how I'm treating it.* I've never adopted a child, but, in my completely uninformed opinion, it's a lot like going to the grocery store. Except for the fact that you're buying children, who may or may not be on sale. So, if I went to the orphanage/whatever the politically correct term for the child store is nowadays to adopt, I'd expect that I had the ability to return my child if I wasn't satisfied with the purchase. I think Best Buy gives you like a month, that's enough time to figure out whether or not you've adopted a Bebe's Kid or Damien. Well, this exact, depraved, callous thinking is what led Torry-Ann Hansen to send her Russian foster child to the airport with a
receiptone-way ticket back to the home country. No word on whether or not she was refunded yet.
- "3rd Place" Yesterday in Colorado, some dumbass cop decided to reenact the taser scene from The Hangover on some probable test tube babies. This mass public display of retardation took place at a career fair. So, not only did 30 or so high school students volunteer to get the shit shocked out of them, they took a couple thousand volts at one of the most inappropriate settings for self-torture I can think of. I can only assume that they were in business casual attire. The cop has been suspended without pay and some of the kids were hospitalized with minor burns, but that's about it. Hopefully natural selection will take its course before these people procreate.
- "4th Place"
The race relations problem in South Africa is actually a serious issue, but that doesn't mean there aren't little gems of fuckery to be found. Peep this crazy video of an AWB (yes, that's pretty much a swastika) official and a Black activist almost coming to blows on national television. I love the "I am not finished with you" as the dude points and leaves the stage. Priceless. Race conflicts have gone so soft, what happened? Back in the 90s, dudes were catching bricks to the dome. Now, somebody threatens a woman and some top-flight-security-of-the-world-Craig security guards, and we blog about him.
- "5th Place"
As of now, the big homie Tiger is only 3 strokes off the lead down at Augusta. Makes me happy. Almost as happy as this Boondocks Bootleg parody of his borderline-creepy new Nike commercial. Props 2DBz.