Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Goodyear'd

Property renovation is hard, so no full post today. I will share one thing I find pretty...

A.) cool
B.) hilarious
C.) terrifying
D.) all of the above

If you're ever in Chandler, Arizona and you feel like shaving a few months off of your life, feel free to stop at the Heart Attack Grill. This is a real place, I wouldn't send you all off. I can do that in my own city.



The Heart Attack keeps it menu simple and its mission simpler: We want to kill you. I'm paraphrasing, but they actually advertise with the slogan "A Taste Worth Dying For!" First of all, what the fuck. Secondly, I'm not surprised this place has been around since 2005. We all love burgers, fries, cigarettes, caffeine and pop, so any place that offers nothing but those things is bound to succeed.



I understand the allure too. People want to go and get a triple bacon cheeseburger and a pack of Lucky Strikes there, consume it, and then be able to brag about how they survived the Heart Attack Grill......only to be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes by 2015. In case you don't know what Lucky Strike cigs are, they're unfiltered cigarettes. You probably would be better off - and save money - igniting a bonfire in your bathroom with rat poison, toweling the door and inhaling.

Some more of the Heart Attacks culinary fare: Beer, liquor, "Flatline" fries cooked in pure lard and covered with beef gravy and mozzarella (quite possibly the best-tasting fries in the history of the planet), a 2-pound, 8,000 calorie quadruple cheeseburger, and Jolt cola. Plus, if you can prove you weigh more than 350, your meal is free. No bullshit.

Actual Heart Attack waitresses. The only reason I will tolerate its existence.

God bless America.

4 comments:

BreukelensFinest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BreukelensFinest said...

fuckery is right smh

Beth L. said...

This place is right around the corner from my house! lol.

Never been there though. lol

Check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg

Dallas Wright said...

damn Beth that dude is my hero. he ate that whole thing