Monday, April 25, 2011

So I Had To Reconsider

My whole life I've been anti-guns. They are cool and all on XBOX, but in real life they are pure evil. Absolute evil. Even in war. Example: an American sniper takes out multiple enemy targets, keeping his battalion safe from attack. This is a good thing for us, bad for the families of the dead. Guns never bring about positivity, and so I vowed never to own one.

I've gone a long, long time with this POV. But a conversation at work and some serious, honest self-reflection has me reconsidering. At 21, I'm still a kid. I pay my own bills, but my parents pay my rent and the share of tuition we're responsible for. Until that changes, I'm a kid. The end of childhood is approaching quickly though. I could have a wife and kids this decade. One of my best friends already does.

Thinking about that is scary enough. Then, because I think so logically, I considered how traumatic home invasion is. Not a hypothetical analysis either. When I was about 3, back at our old house on East 46th Street, a man kicked our door in and entered. Me, my (pregnant) mother, and my old man were all home. He said he was running from a couple guys trying to kill him and left after my Mom called CPD, but it was the worst experience of my early childhood. Stuck with me for years. I had trouble sleeping - I chose to share a room with my sister until like the 3rd grade - and, to this day, I could pick the guy's face out of a crowd.

Feeling unsafe in your own home, especially as a child, is something nobody should have to suffer. My parents did a great job helping me get over my fear, but I can't imagine how much it hurt them to see me too terrified to sleep in my own bed.

When/if I ever have a wife and/or kids , I'm going to keep an unloaded pistol locked away in a safe somewhere in my home. I understand the risk of having a weapon in a house with a child (another of my past reasons why I'd never own a gun), but I'd be meticulous in keeping it out of my children's sight and reach. That's called "parenting". But the strap will still be there.

Have you ever thought about how you would react if somebody broke into your home while you were inside? Call it extreme, hyperbolic, bullshit, whatever. But, if somebody broke into my home with my wife and kids inside, that person has to die. Straight up and down. As a father and husband, I couldn't live with myself knowing that somebody violated the sanctity and safety of my home, put my family in danger, and I could've done more to protect them. Sure not everybody that breaks into houses does so to kill - honestly, it's probably a small percentage - but I'm not going to be relying on statistics when somebody is in my crib. That's just me. My wife and kids could tell me every day for the rest of my life that there was nothing I could've done and that they are fine, but I couldn't look them in the face feeling like I failed to protect them.

Mindsets change, and I don't know how I'll feel about this when I actually do make a baby. But for now, this is where my head's at. The product of an interesting conversation and some soul-searching. Hope it's more interesting than fuckery.

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